Thursday, February 28, 2013

The buzz in my head

There is a constant buzz in my head. The humm of a motor turning. My life is full. Full of kids, husband, family, friends, church, home and the things there and driving. The thoughts in my head come and go and rarely find release. The times when I am driving alone I get a chance to think. It is those times that subject runs into subject and I think, I really ought to write this down. Then the kids get in the car or I arrive at the destination and all my thoughts quickly run out of my head and the buzz is back. Too many thoughts. So much necessary to think on. So little time to be. To think. To write.
I'm a slow paced person living in a fast paced world. Really, quite honestly, our pace as a family is WAY slower than most. Here is the bain and the boost of my life. I live in rural Colorado. I live between two worlds. Slow and fast.
I love where I live. It is peaceful and calm. My neighbors are far enough away to not hear them and they don't hear me. We mind our own business and can still chat a bit when we see each other. We remain amiable due to distance. I like that. Chickens coo and cluck in my yard. I love finding the gift of eggs. Coyotes howl at night. Hawks soar on the winds above our acreage and make the plunge for the little pesky critters that live here too. Song birds come and go spring through fall. I can see the sky, the big, big sky. I love the sky. The blue background with puffy clouds. The cobalt of a summer dusk. The storm rolling in on grey low clouds, the lightening in all it's flashes and thundering. A magnificent light show is worth the electricity going out every summer several times. In the after storm light, the dark grey clouds and the green green grass are a sight of beauty to behold. Maybe the gift of a rainbow, even a double! In a good rain year, the grass is feet tall and waves in the wind like a rolling ocean of green or amber. So lovely and soft. In winter we can get a lot of snow. Not in close years, but in years past and we hope in years to come. Snow that melts into the dry pond, joined by spring torrents of rain to fill it up and give the kids a wet and muddy place to play and explore. Joining their voices are the chorus frogs that fill the late spring and summer air with song. Beautiful song. I've missed their song of late. May the rain and snow come again. Snow.... feet and feet of snow. I've seen it up to the the street sign. No way to get in or out. Nowhere to go, stay at home. Warm, cozy, together. I love it here. Even when the wind tries to rip off the roof with hurricane force winds in the middle of the prairie. When we can't get out because the road is drifted shut. When it is hot and does not rain and we worry.
I can't say I like some of our other dwellers. The voles, the ground squirrels, the gophers. They eat my garden. My once beautiful, featured in the newspaper garden. I guess I was too proud of it. They have eaten it nearly all gone. Time for new ideas that need less work. More functional, less eye catching. The war has ended. We must make peace..... Well, not that they will, but if I try to give them less then maybe we can live at peace. Maybe. I hope. I am the outsider after all. I should do my part to get along with the natives.
Our choice to live here pleases me. It, however, comes with a great deal of driving, which does not please me. Not that I mind driving, I just seem to do way too much of it. Yes, yes, when we choose to live here we did figure in the fact that it would take us 20-40 min to get to anywhere we would ever need to go. School, church, the grocery store, a friend's home, work. Yep, we got ourselves into this. And, even though we are not involved in much the drive makes everything seem like so much more. I have to calculate my time and make good use of that time out. Sometimes it is just not worth the hour drive round trip. I take the kids and stay the two hours where ever we are going.
It's all that driving that gives me time to think. To consider. To philosophize and pray. Sometimes I "hear" God in my car and my thoughts gel and sink in. I usually want to write it down when I get home, but you know, kids, life, work..... it all needs doing.

I want to write more here. Maybe I will. For now, I will drop into bed and fall into a heavy sleep. I will wake up tired and repeat. Someday it will slow down and I will miss the buzz.

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Keep on the Sunny Side

The Whites - Keep on the Sunny Side
(Depression Era song)

There's a dark & a troubled side of life
There's a bright, there's a sunny side, too
Tho' we meet with the darkness and strife
The sunny side we also may view

[cho:] Keep on the sunny side, always on the sunny side,
Keep on the sunny side of life
It will help us ev'ry day, it will brighten all the way
If we'll keep on the sunny side of life

The storm and its fury broke today,
Crushing hopes that we cherish so dear;
Clouds and storms will, in time, pass away
The sun again will shine bright and clear.
Let us greet with the song of hope each day
Tho' the moment be cloudy or fair
Let us trust in our Saviour away
Who keepeth everyone in His care